Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you never un-have a 4some
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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