So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
