Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
