Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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