12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
