Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
