You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
