i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
