so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
