k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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