capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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