I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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