Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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