We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
