Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
