he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
