I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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