well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
