the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
