so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
