did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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