Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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