This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
