i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
