Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
