I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
