wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
