She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
