Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
