Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
