Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
