Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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