saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She made me pour olive oil on her.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
