but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
