he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
