eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
