Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize