and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
