Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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