Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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