I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
