I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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