The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
