I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
