I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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