3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
