I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
