You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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