I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
