I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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