you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
