I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
