i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
