is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
