And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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