never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
