You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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