Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize