It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
