u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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