I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize