do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
