Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is wine microwaveable?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
