So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
