I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
