Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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