He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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