the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
