don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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