A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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