she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
