the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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