Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
