And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
