C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
