just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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