If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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