I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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