thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
