I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
