one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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