tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
