Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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