dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
