you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
