Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize