I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
