i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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