I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
