doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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