Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
