whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
