she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
