We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
