Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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