My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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