I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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