sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
