New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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