i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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