I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
