So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize