Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
