so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize