Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
