And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
