dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
