I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
