I am puke
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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