i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
