I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
