It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
