A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
