the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize