Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
