sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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