I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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