Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
