Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
