I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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