I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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