I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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