Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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